An End of Life Planning
Project
It started
with admitting that at some point we were indeed going to die. This is a biggie
in our death-denying culture. Even my husband wasn’t sure it really applied to
him.
We started
the “getting it together” project so that our family wouldn’t be left holding
the bag. A young family member had struggled through loss and loose ends
following the death of her mother and begged us to do some planning so she
wouldn’t have to face the situation again with us.
Here are the
steps we followed:
1. We tackled the hardest part first: funeral
arrangements. I made an appointment with a recommended pre-arrangement
specialist at a local mortuary. As part of this step, we decided on cremation
or burial, prepaid final expenses and decided on the type of memorial service
we would each like to have.
4. We then decided what to do with our “stuff.” In other
words, made a will. I was able to “fill in a form” with the help of a certified
legal document preparer, having done homework ahead of time with documents at www.nolo.com . There’s no dearth of will formats
for do-it-yourselfers.
5. Now we were ready to move to the second category of
things to do: documents needed in case of an illness or an accident that left
one of us incapacitated. Each state has different paperwork required for the
documents below. You can download free copies of appropriate forms by state
from AARP.
· A living will or advanced care
directive that will spell out what kind of medical treatment we wanted to
receive: resuscitation or not, etc. While on this step, take a look at the
“Five Wishes” template found on the Aging with Dignity website.
· A medical power of attorney to go
further in making sure our wishes concerning medical treatment would be honored.
· A power of attorney to handle
financial or legal matters if one of us was unable to.
6. The final step is organizing everything together in
one place. We used what we began calling the “Big Blue Notebook,” the Get It Together Planner found at Melanie
Cullen’s Website. Her book, Get It Together: Organize Your Records So Your Family Won’t Have To was
a helpful source all through the project. Information on both the planner and the
book are available on her website.
Caveats
· This checklist is based on our
experience doing just this few months ago in Arizona. Each state has different
requirements so be aware of yours.
· Our situation was a simple one. If
your situation is more complex, i.e. you have large and varied assets and
several beneficiaries, see professionals: an attorney and a financial planner.
Conclusion
Back to the
beginning: why do so few people do end of life planning, even though research
shows it leads to a higher quality of life at the end and loved ones experience
less stress, anxiety, even depression? Because it’s hard admitting that we are
indeed mortal, all of us. We had to be pushed…
But now that
we’ve done it, it is a gift to each other and those who love us. It’s also
brought peace of mind, this shaking hands with mortality. Most of all, it’s a
gift to ourselves.
And I wish
the same for you…please consider the benefits to you and your family of having
a personal end of life plan of your own.
